Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
