Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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