Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
