You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
