What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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