i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
