I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
