im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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