I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
