I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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