Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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