There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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