you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
