She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
