So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
