She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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