I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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