So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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