I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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