Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Also, beer. Big fan.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
