My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
dude. I can hear the air.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
