Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
