I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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