The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
