you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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