first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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