Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Pooping to opera.
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