We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
