we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
