I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
