is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
