Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
