Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
