Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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