3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
