i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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