Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
