I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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