We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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