if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
