He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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