He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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