That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
