Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
All I want is dick and wine.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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