it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I'm really busy with my period
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