So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
