it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
