Where did you get a picture of my penis
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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