You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
