Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
