you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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