My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
